he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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