Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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