Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
