Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize