no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
