WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
