have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
