y did u give ur computer a hand job?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
