he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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