I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
