so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
