We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
