Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize