You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize