your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
