My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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