She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
