my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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