The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Boobs speak an international language.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
