her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
