I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
