Me too!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
