i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
