sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
