at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
