Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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