So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My bed smells like the plague
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize