I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize