I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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