Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm jealous of your bromance
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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