i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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