I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
