ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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