Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
