I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
