I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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