Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also, beer. Big fan.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
