My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize