so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When did angry sex become our thing?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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