my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
