this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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