the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
