I murdered the dance floor call the cops
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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