He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
