I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
