Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
