Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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