remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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