just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hippo gnu deer
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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