To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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