I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
