If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
