I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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