I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
