i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
