Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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