she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
