I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
