So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
