Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I did not marry a roomba.
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