Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
