why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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