How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
