I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
