sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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