you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
