How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
