My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
