; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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