Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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