Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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