ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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