Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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