My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
