Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize